RIP Lauren Bacall

One of the leading ladies in the golden age of cinema has passed away. I am huge fan of her Bogie/Bacall films. Rest in Peace Ms. Bacall. You are now in heaven with your beloved Humphrey Bogart. 

A New Direction for one topic

I started this blog as tool for healing; I have suffered from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder for the past seven years that stemmed from a sexual assault on June 29, 2007. I was not only raped by an individual, but I was also raped by the Orange County legal system. I had to carry that burden with me the past four years when I relocated back to San Francisco. It has been a series of ups and downs, but ultimately, I am prevailing.

This past Thursday (August 7), I returned to the San Francisco Hall of Justice to complete the final step of a very long legal battle. It is now on record that I was truly the victim of a sexual assault. That past has now been dismissed and erased completely, and for the first time in four years, I can truly live a completely free life without any consequence. It hadn't hit me until this evening when I finally broke down and cried. I had a mix of so many emotions at once; anger, happiness, relief, hope. In my head, I imagined myself shouting:

• A big F--- YOU to that psychopathic rapist. His day will come. I will never be around to witness, but I am a true believer in Karma. Ultimately, he will get his due.
• Another F--- YOU to my cousin who claims to be this psychic. She stated, "oh your case will never go away. It'll stay with you forever." She has no idea how that utterance was a blade that twisted into my very soul. It had that much of an effect on me. 
• And last and definitely least was one final F--- YOU to the county of Orange. 
• Gadzooks how could I forget? A big F--- YOU to Gianelli Guzman for being a psychotic, stalking cunt.

And then I took a deep breath. It was that cathartic. I continue to see my therapist and she has stated that what I am now experiencing is Post Traumatic Growth or PTG; it is not about returning to the same life as before the period of traumatic suffering; rather it's about undergoing significant life-changing shifts in thinking and understanding the world and my place in it.

I thought about how I wanted to continue this blog as it has shifted away from feelings of despair to feelings of hope and happiness. Do I want to continue including PTSD related posts? The answer is yes. I've decided to create a new blog specifically for posts about PTSD and PTG. In fact, I will expand on the events that contributed to my PTSD diagnosis. It is a type of blog that will have some pretty intense content. I have transferred most of my PTSD related posts from this blog to the new one. I also think it is most beneficial for those who really want to heal and move past PTSD to PTG.

2014 Vintage Purchase #9: Ceramics

It has been awhile since my last venture at Alameda Antique Flea Market. I think the last time I went was in May. I held off going in June because of the Vintage Fashion Faire, and in July, I was in Los Angeles.

On my "to buy" list was a dining table and mini-bathtub basin to use as a planter for my herb garden. I found neither. At least none that was suitable to my taste or wallet. My friend Burnie and I started in the back of the market and weaved our toward the front. There was some great furniture, but it's quite apparent that most sellers are interested in making a profit more than just trying to get rid of stuff. So as we continued browsing, we decided to stop only at things that looked interesting.

One thing that looked interesting was a $20 bill floating across the concrete without its owner. Heck yeah I picked it up!

A little later, I saw this ceramic that I've actually been looking for for quite some time. I've wanted a specific color (red hair), but considering that it was only $10 and I had an extra $20 in my pocket, I bought it.

It could use a little touching up, but other than that, she joins my other two pieces: the famous [Pulp Fiction] kangaroo and the old football player.

Burnie walked a way with a very interesting piece. He found this bust reminiscent of the 1920s.

It would've been so much cooler if it read "Sutro Baths" but you get what you get. Still, it's definitely a conversation piece. He's thinking of using it as a decorative prop for future dance revues.

With the way sellers are overpricing their goods, it looks like I'll have to go about the estate sale circuit for an antique dining table.

Bacon, Babes, and Bingo

The Red Hots Burlesque Revue puts on a monthly game show featuring...what else? Exactly what the show title suggests. People from around the Bay Area descend upon San Francisco's Verdi Club for a Sunday brunch including cocktails such as Bloody Marys and Mimosas. The patrons sit down for not only a bingo session, but also skee-ball, a wheel of fortune, and raffling. Everyone leaves a winner (to some extent). The hostess, Dottie Lux, is such a great entertainer with an awesome sense of humor. Other performers included a hula hoop artist and singer.

Our dance troupe was asked to perform a number. We happily obliged. The audience was really into our dance, and I think this was the first time (in a long time) that I was very happy with this performance. After we were done, I stuck around to partake in the game show. I came very close to winning a bingo, but luck was not on my side...this time. However, I did randomly win a token to return to a future show free of charge. I'm actually looking forward to attending future game shows. It was a lot of fun. The only thing is, being a vegan, I have a strong aversion to the smell of meat and the scent of bacon was definitely in the air. There's only so much I can eat at a show like this, but at least there were plenty of different fruits to choose from.

Dulce de Leche performs

Our outfit for our summer dance routine

Pedal Fest 2014

It was a weekend of fests. I did the Garlic Fest in Gilroy, was too darned hot to pull out my camera to take random pics. I actually suffered a heat stroke that I had to cancel my evening plans with my friends. But I was still on for the Pedal Fest at Jack London Square.

What is the Pedal Fest? It's a bike show. It's similar to your classic car show only it's bicycles. People brought out their vintage cycles or custom bikes. What I enjoyed most were the pennyfarthings. And yes, I was asked a lot about my pennyfarthing tattoo. 

There were also a few performances throughout the square, but my friends and I went to support Stompy Jones and get a few swing dancing numbers in. It was quite fun. Different, but fun.

I just had to include this picture of Daisy and the Albatross. Most of the people around were impressed that Daisy did not mind it coming around her to snack away at the popcorn. Sharing is caring.

The Last Dance: Unrequited Love

A few months back, I had my first radio appearance on The Last Dance where I discussed performance and swing dancing. Dizzy, the radio host, and I have become quite close and have been brainstorming about potential swing dancing events and a new chorus girl dance troupe based out of Marin County. Thanks to her tireless efforts and great motivation, the plans will be coming into fruition. One of the first things we discussed was having me come in as a regular guest each month when we pick a topic and have an open ended discussion. We had our first session just last week.

I was introduced under my stage name, Rose Red; though I'll probably be using the informal Rosie. I just think "Dizzy and Rosie" flows smoothly from an auditory aesthetic. I've also considered a last name: Espinosa...Rosie Espinosa (get it?)

This month's topic is unrequited love. It was definitely a deep topic but one which the audience will gain an interesting perspective. Did I bring up Demian? Of course; as well as two others with whom I had a strong relationship during different points of my life. How Dem differs from the previous two is that I still have friendships with the others and we still maintain communication and a love & respect for each other. 

Below is a short snippet of our discussion:

For Mobile Users: Unrequited Love

My setlist included the following:

• I Ain't Got Nobody by Sophie Tucker (on the accompanying video)
• All of Me by Billie Holiday
• After All I've Been to You by Swing Session (now Stompy Jones)

The show will air this Sunday, July 27 at 10am and 6pm. Be sure to tune by clicking the link below.

http://listen.radionomy.com/radiosausalito.m3u

demian griffitts

Sunday Fun Day

Our family had a bit of scare the past two weeks that began with my cousin calling me from San Jose airport and telling me that he was about to hop a plane to New York. His mom (my aunt) found a lump. After surgery, biopsies and analyses, the results came back negative. Whew! So glad that she will be okay. Once he got back to the Bay Area, he wanted to celebrate by spending a pleasant Sunday outdoors. So I met with my primo, his girlfriend and my little dog, too.

We started the day with breakfast at our favorite cafe, Christie's in Burlingame. It's always a busy joint, but they have the best service treating you to a home-like atmosphere. What I like most is the artwork displayed throughout the cafe. They seem to share a theme of female empowerment.

After breakfast we drove off to Half Moon Bay. We first stopped at Spanish Town. I always see it on my drive along 92, but I never bothered to take a stroll. It was quite serene with all the water fountains and the trickling of water. There were also a few art galleries.

Mi primo photobombing the top left snapshot.

There are several coast accesses in Half Moon Bay, and we chose Poplar Beach because it's smaller, less crowded, and the parking fees are really low. Once there, we unleashed Daisy to frolic in the sand. We pulled out the kite, and let it take wind. We later had frisbee session. The weather was perfect. The temperature was a cool 70 degrees with blue skies. 

I kept staring out at the waves and lamenting the fact that I didn't bring my surfboard. The waves were perfect. Regardless, I wouldn't have been able to go in at this time. I just had my hair color retouched barely a week ago (redhead problems). I'm only able to surf within two weeks before my next appointment. I'll be back out there in a few weeks. I waded (up to my ankles) in the ocean. Then I noticed dolphins frolicking in the ocean. I took out my camera and was able to record them before they continued swimming toward Pillar Point. If you look closely at the video below, you can see the dolphins.

Animal friendly beach. I just loved the doggie bikini.

We ended the day at a hole in the wall Mexican restaurant for Margaritas. We've had better, but still, it was just a nice day to relax.

I'm finally free

I am no longer beholden to anyone or anything. It took four years, but it's finally over, and I am now free to live my life to its fullest without worry. I must admit that I never had any problems with compliance. In fact, it was relatively painless except for the constant harassment from Gia "the heifer" Bomb. I know what her intent was; to sabotage my progress with all her lies. That was the ONLY negative. Gone are those days of receiving phone calls informing me of the heifer obsessively making erroneous complaints. 

But I made it through successfully and was granted the motion. That part of my life is over. A tremendous burden has been lifted, and it gives me great joy knowing that I can now be completely open without fear. And to all my family, friends, and colleagues who have stood by my side and provided love & support, I owe you a debt of gratitude. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

This is exactly how I feel.

They see me rollin'....

One can expect that whenever I take a trip to SoCal, I will come back with new ink. Why this design? Why not. I have an appreciation for all things vintage, which is pretty much reflective in the majority of my tattoos. Truthfully, though, I was supposed to get a Robert DeNiro portrait, but since I went overboard on the vintage dress spending a few weeks ago, I opted for something smaller. This image was among others that I plan to tattoo in the future.

In any event, I have now crossed a threshold. I've finally tattooed below the elbow, thus paving the way for full sleeves.

P.S. The script is just part of the picture. It is not part of the tattoo.

Bésame

I made the drive back to Bésame Cosmetics this afternoon, and YES, it was open! I've been purchasing their products for the past two years, but because I live in San Francisco and there is no local distributor, I can only purchase online. I'm always afraid that the colors wouldn't workout (since there's no way to test), but so far, every purchase has been a hit. When I planned my trip back to L.A. this week, visiting the store was on my "must do" list.

My mom came along with me again, and she was impressed with the selection. It is a relatively small store with a back room sectioned off for other events such as workshops and tutorials; it's perhaps even a mini studio for photoshoots. After all, they have great photos of ladies modeling their products. The shop is decorated with their signature artwork found on their website with a beautiful vintage stereo and seating. Their products are well placed at the counter and on the shelving just beyond. 

Christina was the lady at the counter and she was both gracious and helpful. She encouraged us to sample any products we were interested in. I was intent on purchasing the rouge cream, but I wasn't sure which color to buy; apricot or crimson. I fully expected to purchase the crimson shade. I tried them both, and surprisingly, the apricot looked much better on my complexion. I was sold. I also purchased my 5th tube of lipstick. I have one pink shade and darker shades of red. This time I wanted a true red color and purchased Bésame Red. 

Mom opted to purchase a red color as well. She NEVER wears red lipstick. Usually it's more of a brownish color with some hints of red. Christina recommended Red Velvet which looked great on my mom. "I'll take it," she said. There was no stopping mom, either. She also tried and bought the soufflé foundation and violet brightening powder; all of which brought a radiance in her complexion. She walked out of the store with a bright smile.

Mom asked how I learned about Bésame. I've actually known of the company for at least 5 years but didn't buy my first lip color until 2012 at the Vintage Expo. Bésame specializes on recreating colors of the 1920s-60s. The design and packaging also reflects those eras. That's one thing I love about the product. There's no mistaking a Bésame product for an imitation. The bullet shaped gold lipstick tubes; the tin canisters; the chrysanthemum design.

The company is well known not only in the vintage community but also in the entertainment industry. Their make-up is used for films that are set during the bygone era. I know "The Artist" used her products. I also recently saw the new "Bonnie and Clyde" film and recognized some of the products sitting on a vanity in one scene. Of course, the lip colors were also used on the actors. The founder of the company has also published a book on the history of make-up. I didn't see it at the shop (perhaps I may have overlooked it), but I definitely want to give the book a read.

It may be a while before I return (I only go back to SoCal about 2-3 times a year) so the next purchases will most likely be online in the not too distant future.

My Bésame products

Lips:

• Besame Red
• Cherry Red
• Noir Red
• Merlot
• Dusty Rose
• Cherry Lip Balm
• Cherry Sweetheart Glaze
• Cocoa/Natural Lipliner

Face:

• Violet Brightening Powder
• Apricot Rouge

Eyes:

• 1930 Black Mascara
• 1920 Black Cake Mascara

Fragrance:

• Decades of Fragrance 1920

Makeup Tools:

• Travel Lip Brush