Demian Griffitts
You can please some of the people some of the time,
all of the people some of the time,
some of the people all of the time,
but you can never please all of the people all of the time.
-Abraham Lincoln
I began writing this blog with full awareness that not everyone would like or agree with its contents. That is just a fact of life that Lincoln so eloquently conveyed. Since its publication, I've received positive feedback from friends about not just for what it says but that I was brave enough to share. I've also received a few messages from complete strangers who have changed their perspective about the causes and symptoms of PTSD.
Some bad always comes with good. Have I received negative feedback? Yes. From just one person thus far. And it comes as no surprise that that one person plays a not too flattering part in a story I've shared. As a result, I've been attacked, but I can't say that I'm surprised.
Attacking a person's character is usually the first line of defense for any person. That is, for any person who knows he or she is guilty, is in the wrong, or knows that they don't have a leg to stand on. It could be about anything.
A few examples follow:
In 2012, I was often engaged in some civil debate about politics. It was an election year, so whether or not you vote, you have either listened to or participated in political debates. It can't be escaped. I believe the topic was about the economy, and I had a retort for every argument "Tom" made. His last arguing point was, "whatever, you're fat and ugly." I immediately replied, "okay, this conversation is over. Once a debate turns into personal attacks, that's when you know that the other party has nothing further to contribute." He tried to continue egging me on, but I refused to engage. Ultimately, Tom apologized and admitted that he was just trying to get under my skin. He respected me in that I didn't let his comments get to me. He even admitted that I was very attractive with a good shape.
One young girl*, "Elena" made a statement that many people responded to. I, of course, presented a more objective viewpoint, but she took it personally because I didn't agree with her position. I told her not to expect everyone to agree with you. The response, "you're the one with the rocky past!" So that's the card being played. The "you have a rocky past" card. I simply stated,
Honestly, who doesn't have moments of adversity and despair on his/her life's journey? The key is to challenge it, overcome it and move forward. Not one person is perfect, and if you're going to judge me based on hearsay, then you really don't know me and you are undeserving of my friendship. And if throwing someone's past in his/her face is the only card you can play, well, that speaks more of your character than the person you're trying to insult.
And that brings me to another young girl, Gia. All we wanted to do was watch a film, but because my friend was late, we had to wait an hour for the next showing. So what do people do to kill time? Walk and shop around, take photographs of the Christmas scenery, and maybe have a hot chocolate along the way. As we ventured from store to store, we made polite conversation with the staff; all related to my hairstyle, my tattoos, my cateyeglasses, my friend's outfit, etc. One of our stops was at a beauty supply shop. Like the other shops, this staff was also friendly and very helpful with my purchase. Gia asked if I wanted to "opt in" for the mailing list. Why not? I gave her my name, email and phone number before leaving with my friend to pick up some snacks and return to the cinema. Five days later, I received an email through my modeling website. I was stunned by its contents. I was even further surprised that the email came from Gia. The message was unprovoked, unwarranted and a classic form of harassment. After putting two and two, together, I realized how she found my profiles online.
I filed a complaint with the store manager, district manager and the Better Business Bureau. I also contacted my attorney. I did not appreciate a store employee using company information for personal use, especially considering the nature of the situation. So what is Gia's natural reaction? Counterattack. Rather than admit to and accept the consequences of her inappropriate and illegal actions, she contacted authorities and twisted the facts of the situation to put herself in a favorable light. I'm not worried. I have witnesses. I have her email. She doesn't have a leg to stand on.
Lets get back to my original point: People attacking when they're guilty, wrong or have nothing better to say. The three examples above reiterate that point. As per this blog, the one naysayer is a clear example. Has he defended himself? No. He knows he's guilty. His actions demonstrate that. He has gone on the attack and playing the "she has a rocky past" card.
Unless a person was a participant or witness to that traumatic 2007 event I survived, he or she has nothing to say about it. No one has a right to disclose my past to others. It is my story to tell. I own it. The greater distance I put between that event and myself, the easier it is to share. As of this writing, I've only shared it in-person. Anyone who knows me today, knows about that event. This includes family, friends, and yes, even my boss. (I made sure to close that loophole.) When the time is right, I will publish it.
That said, the abusive relationship I shared is my experience. An experience that I am working through to help me heal. If that person does not like what I shared:
1. He should have behaved better.
2. He can defend himself. HOWEVER, he has no right using and manipulating the facts of my experience of which he had no part or witness to to defend his actions. It's irrelevant. And frankly speaking, it's a flashing neon sign of desperation masking that guilt.
As I continue my writing, the experiences of that abusive relationship may pop up again, but only in reference. It has its effect and influence in future decisions that I will make for myself. But the experience needed to be disclosed to make sense of everything else I will write. My PTSD originated some place in my lifeline, and it was compounded elsewhere. In order for me to learn from the experience and move on, I have to acknowledge it.
* I use the term "young girl" to describe the females in this post because they're behavior is unbecoming of a lady. Plus, being in your 20s does not automatically place them in that category.