[An] important part of recovery is to continue to romance yourself!
At the end of the day you are the one who knows your heart best
and you can’t wait on others to fill it.
-"TNG"
Sometimes you think that you're the only person in the world with troubles that no one understands, but in truth, everyone goes through some rough patches. Every person walks along different paths, yet the trails always seem to parallel. As you share your stories, you find similarities. You learn from and/or perhaps even influence the other to find healthy ways to heal.
A friend of mine had gone through a similar ordeal with her ex, though I would imagine the loss was much greater and more painful as she had married this individual. I can't imagine going through a dissolution of marriage; ending a long-term relationship is tough enough. As I learned more about this individual either straight from her or others that know him, it is quite apparent the man is a psychopath with little to no regard for other people's feelings. I once thought Dem was, too, based on his dismissive attitude of my feelings, but Dem's problem has more to do with alcohol influencing his bad behavior and poor choices. He can change if he wants to. My friend literally shared her life with a psychologically sick, sick person, and there's no curing a psychopath. However, she has refused to let herself crawl in a corner and hide from the world. She's held her head high and is moving forward. I'm quite sure she's not without personal, emotional turmoil as she, too, often references the need for healing.
Today she shared her blog entry with me, and the quote above struck me most. Romance yourself. I think, as women, we often forget to take care of ourselves. We are so focused on taking care of everyone around us that we often neglect our own needs. We need to be selfish sometimes. We must tell ourselves that we are important, too. But not just saying it; acting on it. That's what my friend does. She throws herself to the wind and lands in the most adventurous places.
Lately, I've considered all the pleasures I enjoy. I love to go out swing dancing. Hiking along various scenic trails brightens my day. I often take in an old film at many of the local historic theatres. I spend most Sundays vintage shopping and antique hunting. I consider my friend's out-of-town ventures, and I think, why not leave town for a weekend and continue my hobbies at a different locale? I've decided that one getaway each month is doable.
My first getaway was a trip to Sacramento last weekend. They had their weekly Midtown Stomp (swing dancing) and the monthly antique faire. It wasn't much of a weekend since I had few dances and I didn't find any antique goods worth buying, but it was a start. I could've done more, but I didn't research well enough to explore other attractions in a short period of time.
When I returned to San Francisco I immediately began researching more vintage/antique faires. Some places will have monthly, quarterly or biennial faires, so I've decided to create getaways around these events. Much of my "to do" list will definitely consist of patronizing vintage/antique faires but also: hiking local trails, finding a swing dance venue, watching a film at historic theatres, visiting museums. It's an opportunity to do the things that I enjoy; immerse myself in activities I love; remind myself that I am important to me.
March's destination is already set: Santa Cruz for their next vintage faire and some local attractions. And most importantly, time spent romancing myself.
March's destination is already set: Santa Cruz for their next vintage faire and some local attractions. And most importantly, time spent romancing myself.
