Chorus Girl diatribe

I've spent a little over a year with a dance troupe, and I have come to realize that being a chorus girl has lost its appeal; at least it has with The Tartlettes under the "leadership" of Megan. Of course I still enjoy swing dancing, and it's an activity that will be very much a big part of my life. However, I've come to learn a lot of the ills of show business; that is, belonging to a dance troupe whose "leader" has no support for its dancers.

At first, I was very happy to be part of a collaborative effort in bringing back the art of 1920s era chorus line dancing. I did extensive research on choreography, musicality, costuming and cosmetics. I even tried to pick up the old-time dialect so prevalent during the prohibition era. On a personal level, I was learning to love and appreciate my body shape. I'm not rail thin; nor am I obese. I am a big girl standing at 5'9" with ample butt and thighs yet blessed with a wasp waist.  It's not easy to wear really short shorts in front a large audience, but eventually I grew past that complex. Most importantly, though, I was developing a trust in others. Considering what I'd gone through in years past, it was definitely a challenge letting people visit my home. Not since Demian had I ever invited people (other than my immediate family) to my home. Hosting my dance troupe at my home was significant progress in my learning to trust others.

Over time, though, I was beginning to develop a skepticism, and I slowly began rebuilding my personal fortress. I was noticing a change in attitudes that was reflected by poor decision making by the founding member of our group. What began as a collaboration between 12 ladies became the sole decision of 1 person without input from the group. There were several disappointed ladies when it came to costuming. I hated the costumes and the wigs. All were unflattering on my hourglass shape with a naturally dropped waist and long limbs. Other conflicts involved choreography blocking and other challenges on the stage. There was a lack of communication that led to downright anger. There was  a noticeable decline in support, faith and enthusiasm.

I had thoughts about quitting the troupe because I didn't like the direction it was going. I heard talk about booking more shows with burlesque troupes and drag shows. I'm a swing dancer. I want more involvement in swing dance related events. Plus, I wondered where all the money earned from our performances was going. Why am I still paying $50 monthly expenses?

Then came the final deciding factor. Our troupe was invited to perform in one of the burlesque shows in San Francisco. The woman running the show is not a person I would like to know off stage. In short, she's a real bitch. She rules with an iron fist with very little respect for the performers; at least that was the vibe I got from her emails and interaction at the venue. It just creates a lot of tension and unnecessary stress. I just don't work well with people like that; especially those with very little self-respect and class. 

The following night after a successful rehearsal, the troupe leaders informed us of a complaint. Supposedly one or two people were bringing negative energy, taking up space in the dressing room, criticizing the show itself, drinking all of the iron-fisted woman's champagne and eating all the food. Rather than defend our dance troupe, the leaders pretty much disciplined us as if we were ALL at fault. For only 2 people's sins, we were all thrown under the bus. I was livid. I made extra effort to stay out of everyone's dressing space. I spent half the show away from the dressing room. I'm a vegan! Half of our troupe is vegetarian and most of the food was meat. I didn't even drink. I was disappointed that we were not allowed to defend ourselves especially when most of us were completely innocent of those complaints. We were then asked if we could offer an apology and sign our names to a card. I flat out refused.

I absolutely refuse to apologize to either ***** or the other performers as I completely disagree with her painting us all as ungrateful with the same broad brush. I have always been more than polite with the performers and accommodating to their spacial needs. I have ZERO respect for ***** at this point. Absolutely none. I want nothing to do with her or her gigs. Count me out of her future shows. I don't need the added stress of pleasing people who pigeonhole others.

At our two Verdi gigs a few days later, the lack of motivation was evident and there was an unpleasing still in the air. I was actually having a great time because I was in my environment. Verdi Club is where I'm at my most comfortable with other dancers as well as the organizers with whom I've established friendships. But for others in our troupe, it was apparent they didn't want to be there. I then decided, "I'm done."

I recently learned that four other girls are planning to quit at the end of the season expressing the same disappoint that I have. It was fun while it lasted, but I take it as a learning experience. 

Quite possibly the only costuming I least hated.

Update 3/8/15
The troupe's founder, Megan, made it clear that she has an inferiority complex and is obsessed with her role as leader. It was all she kept saying, "I am the leader." And she kept accusing me of never respecting her leadership. She's right. I don't. There's a difference between leadership and dictatorship that Megan clearly doesn't understand. I told her she is a terrible leader and a terrible person. It's no wonder she has the problems she keeps crying about. I'm done with people like her, and I'm done with her troupe.